I am Ironman

With a month exactly to go until my 6th wedding anniversary, really it's only been six years...seems like forever, (Just kidding honey) my thoughts have turned to an anniversary gift.

Up until this year I've followed the "traditional" giving of anniversary gifts, but that tradition may come to a close this year. Alas I seem to be stumped. My brain just isn't coming up with anything clever for wait for it ... iron. Really, iron? That's the best we can do is iron? It's not as if the past couple weren't the best; paper, cotton, leather, fruit/flowers, and wood, but iron? What am I supposed to do re-emphasize the past gender roles and get her an iron? I don't think so. I'm not really wanting a smack for my anniversary gift. Oh I could go the route of highway 44 near Springfield and grab something from the Den of Metal Arts, their stuff is oh so classy. That stuff isn't all that cheap either! With a little one on the way I'm not so sure I'm gonna shell out some major cash for those. So I guess it's back to the drawing board but hey I got a month to figure it out, right?

While I'm on the subject though, what the heck is with the "traditional" gifts anyway? I know, I know, they're not the modern and they didn't have all the cool stuff we do now but the order is all jacked up anyway let alone the substances. Why is lace 13th? I figured that would be the 1st...think about it...there you go. Unless it's tied to a second honeymoon, wouldn't it make sense to put that closer to the front end of a marriage? Obsidian is 16th. What the heck is obsidian? According to wikipedia (which of course is the source of all knowledge) it was used for arrowheads in "olden" times, really? Are we supposed to shoot something with it, use it for protection or just put it on our mantel for decoration? I'm not sure. Plus, as far as I can tell the 17th, 18th and 19th don't even have gifts, are we supposed to add up the other ones to make up the number for that year? Well, maybe that will work, but my guess is it because by that time in a marriage some people are thinking, "eh we'll go with a card and 'dinner'."

Oh the modern shouldn't get off without any criticism, they're not the most thought out either. For instance, year one, a clock. Oh great so now she'll know exactly what time it was when I was late getting home from a poker game with the guys! Genius! 7th anniversary, desks sets or pen/pencil sets, what like anybody writes anything by hand any more, come on! The 17th, furniture...why 'cause that's how long your first piece was supposed to last and now it's been fixed so many times that it could double as the patient from operation? Musical instruments for the 24th, yeah that's exactly what every couple wants as soon as the kids leave the house more noise from that lonely trumpet or piano that you haven't played in years. Who thought of this one John Philip Sousa? Seems they could have put a little more thought into this.

I think it might be time for a "post-modern" list of anniversary gifts that combines the "tradition" of the classics with the irreverent "last-minuteness" of the modern. What are your suggestions?

Oh and a shout-out to Ricky and Tania on this their 4th wedding anniversary good luck with the fruit, flowers and appliances. (Really, appliances...here honey now we can "blend", yikes!)