So then I was towards the end of college and I knew that I was in love with a wonderful woman who got me, she really got me. I knew that she was "the one". It was a couple of years in the making but in the end things just "clicked" and I our paths grew together and well now she was going to be my wife. It this wasn't part of being a "grown up" I don't know what is. I remember a conversation I had with my then fiance about a discussion she had with some of my family members. My family members were making the argument that we were too young to be married, too immature. My betrothed replied that we were "old souls" though and that was good enough for us. In the past I would have taken that as an insult but at the time it made sense as I did indeed feel like we were "old souls" - together, "old souls" that had found each other and had gained valuable knowledge and maturity through our own individual experiences and our continuing experiences together.
Then the next big step, fatherhood. If ever there was a "checklist" for growing up I would believe this would definitely be on it. Yeah I know in today's American society this is definitely not a mutually exclusive thing, becoming a father doesn't mean that you're a grown up, but never the less in my life it was definitely a sobering and awe inspiring moment that signaled in me that I had the maturity needed to care for another life.
Maybe that's what it means to be a "grown up", to care for yourself but also to put the care and needs of another before yours as well. Maybe it doesn't have to do with how much money you make, how many meetings you attend, what your stature is, maybe it is more important to give of yourself without losing yourself maybe that makes you truly a "grown up". Maybe you can still play with toys, play with your food and act a little silly. Maybe you don't have to have all these things and you can still do all these activities and still be a "grown up." If you only cared for yourself and did not share your life with others would that not be childish, immature and narcissistic? Definitely not what a "grown up" would do, an "adult" for sure but not a "grown up."
So through the constant planning, preparing and playing it would not be the stuff that is accumulated that makes you a "grown up" but instead the knowledge and experiences gained that shows you've grown up. With that argument I can still believe in happy endings and know how to plan for the future. With that knowledge I can wear happy pants and still engage in civil discourse. With that argument I can care for my family and care for myself. I think being a grown up is less about what stuff you have all to yourself but is instead about the stuff you can share with others from yourself.
Some people don't get "what's so special about (people) Baskin?" yet I think now I understand what "he's a grown up" means and hopefully I can achieve that kind of grown-up-ness and be special too.
2 comments:
There's an episode of Scrubs where JD and Turk wrestle over being fathers and yet still wanting to do ridiculous things like "Giant Black Doctor." In the end they realize that it's possible to be mature and have fun at the same time.
For me, being a grown up means being responsible to those who depend on you. Do I want to play lots of video games and watch lots of sports? YES! But now it means getting the kids ready for bed, doing the dishes and mowing the lawn before I get to (not in that order). Because those things are childish, they are part of who I am.
Even now when I feel the urge to do something "childish" I go for it. Mostly because I know my kids will love it too. Mostly because do we really need more not fun adults? Or do we need adults that help us remember how it is to be young?
Thanks for the good read.
Interesting food for thought, Robert, especially considering that I turned 30 this week.
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